Saturday, June 1, 2013

I Don't Even

A proxy blew up in front of me.

Okay, not EXACTLY that dramatic, sounds like he had a grenade in his chest or popped like a balloon there, which he didn't, but um.
Where do I begin, exactly?

Okay, a couple days ago I was being pursued and I kinda got...
Wow, you know what, I'm terrible at this. Just gonna be to the point like I'm always being told to and skip to the end-
You know that cliche moment in the movie where the antagonist is gloating over the protagonist dangling over the edge of the rooftop holding on by their fingertips? Let's just say it's really not hard to get into those situations when you can't exactly run away, and I ended up in one. Rather disappointed in myself, but I wasn't exactly armed at the time, which in hindsight I probably should've been. Anywho. The deus ex machina saving me in this case being one of his legs kind of... exploding.

I don't know how else to describe it, okay! It popped! Like a freaking zit! It swelled up for a second about halfway down the lower leg and then there was blood everywhere and he fell over me into the alleyway and he left a foot (because just a shoe might've been just a tad too mundane or clean for this story!) behind but once again NOBODY found anything like, oh I dunno, a BODY or his BLOOD or the FOOT, because somehow I ended up perfectly freaking immaculate despite said "pop" and I've been kinda freaking out just a bit ever since!

... Wow Mr. Run-on Sentence, take a moment to breathe why don't ya.
... Shut up, brain.

I know, someone out there's thinking, "maybe you should've kept the foot if you didn't want everyone to think you were just making this up", well hardy har asshole, I'm not so far-gone that I keep any old disembodied limbs I find lying around. Sort of a catch 22 in getting people to think you aren't completely batshit.
Or you're just going to give me odd looks because of the idea of keeping a random stranger's foot.
I mean, I can't even begin to guess where it's been. Probably nowhere nice.


And I'm still alive by the way.